How to Talk to Your Child About Disasters & When to Seek Help

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Recent disasters, such as the wildfires in California, the Thousand Oaks shooting, and the shooting at a Pittsburgh Synagogue, can be very frightening for children.  Since children often see or hear about these events either through the different news outlets that are accessible to them or through their interactions outside the home, it can be helpful to talk about the event with them in language they can understand.

The following guidelines can be useful when having these conversations:

  • Try to set aside adequate time and a quiet space.
  • Use a tone that’s calm and language that’s not overwhelming.
  • Ask the child what he/she already knows and what questions he/she has.
  • Be honest as children are very aware of their parents’ concerns and know more than we think.
  • Talk about your worries as well as your abilities to keep your child safe.

In addition to having these conversations, it is also important to look for signs that your child might be struggling after a disaster.  There are different factors that can affect a child’s response to a disaster that can include:

  • The way they experience their parents’ response.
  • How close they are to the disaster/whether there was direct involvement
  • Whether they know anyone that was directly affected.
  • The child’s age.

Behavioral changes that might indicate your child is struggling and may benefit from being evaluated by a mental health professional include:

  • Acting out or misbehaving in school or at home that is atypical for the child.
  • Refusing to go to school or other places the child typically attended without a parent.
  • Fears that persist long after the disaster, jumpiness, nervousness, and a much heightened sensitivity or alertness to danger.
  • Avoidance of people, places, and things that remind the child of the incident.
  • Sleep disturbances or changes that were not occurring prior to the disaster, such as nightmares or bed-wetting.
  • Depressive symptoms that can include low or irritable mood, appetite changes, fatigue, withdrawal from friends and family, decreased interest in activities, feelings of hopelessness, and in some cases suicidal thoughts.
  • Physical symptoms in the absence of a physical injury or illness, such as headaches and stomachaches.

How to Talk to Your Child About School Shootings

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Sadly school shootings have become normative in our culture and parents are faced with the question of how and when to talk to their kids about being safe in school. Here are a few tips and resources to help parents navigate these discussions:
1. Keep discussions age appropriate. Younger children need more reassurance and less specific information. They may have questions about active shooter drills or why there was a school walkout. Keep information short and age appropriate and reassure your child that adults are always taking measures to keep students safe. Older kids and teenagers will want to talk more and may want to get more involved in advocacy efforts. Make sure to make time to talk and practice reflective listening. Echo back their concerns and ideas.
2. Limit exposure to the news. News tends to refresh and replay the same upsetting images and soundbytes. Exposure to these stories via television or on the radio can be upsetting and confusing for children. Also, keep an eye out for newsfeeds that come up as ads or pop-ups on social media. Your child may be watching news footage unbeknownst to you.
3. Pay attention. Know the signs of stress or anxiety in your child. Pay attention to changes in behavior such as excessive worry, nightmares or sleep disruptions. Consider reaching out to a qualified child mental health professional if you see any of these symptoms for an extended period.
4. Stay on top of what is happening locally. Follow and attend school board meetings, talk to your child’s school principal or administrator. In the wake of the latest shooting at Parkland, many school districts have made changes to their safety policy. Share this information with your child as well as with other caregivers so that they can be prepared for changes in school visitation or pickup policies.
5. Stay connected. Encouraging regular communication with your child is the best way to know what’s going on in your child’s school . Consider scheduling a regular time to meet with your child to discuss any concerns they may have. Creating an environment of open communication will beget open communication.

Resources for parents:

Check out this recent piece which was featured in Time magazine by Dr. Ross Greene:
https://www.livesinthebalance.org/Nineteen-years-tragedy

The Depressed Child

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Not only adults become depressed. Children and teenagers also may have depression, which is a treatable illness. Depression is defined as an illness when the feelings of depression persist and interfere with a child or adolescent’s ability to function.

About 5 percent of children and adolescents in the general population suffer from depression at any given point in time. Children under stress, who experience loss, or who have attentional, learning, conduct or anxiety disorders are at a higher risk for depression. Depression also tends to run in families. The behavior of depressed children and teenagers may differ from the behavior of depressed adults. Child and adolescent psychiatrists advise parents to be aware of signs of depression in their youngsters.

If one or more of these signs of depression persist, parents should seek help:

  • Frequent sadness, tearfulness, crying
  • Hopelessness
  • Decreased interest in activities; or inability to enjoy previously favorite activities
  • Persistent boredom; low energy
  • Social isolation, poor communication
  • Low self esteem and guilt
  • Extreme sensitivity to rejection or failure
  • Increased irritability, anger, or hostility
  • Difficulty with relationships
  • Frequent complaints of physical illnesses such as headaches and stomachaches
  • Frequent absences from school or poor performance in school
  • Poor concentration
  • A major change in eating and/or sleeping patterns
  • Talk of or efforts to run away from home
  • Thoughts or expressions of suicide or self destructive behavior

A child who used to play often with friends may now spend most of the time alone and without interests. Things that were once fun now bring little joy to the depressed child. Children and adolescents who are depressed may say they want to be dead or may talk about suicide. Depressed children and adolescents are at increased risk for committing suicide. Depressed adolescents may abuse alcohol or other drugs as a way to feel better.

Children and adolescents who cause trouble at home or at school may also be suffering from depression. Because the youngster may not always seem sad, parents and teachers may not realize that troublesome behavior is a sign of depression. When asked directly, these children can sometimes state they are unhappy or sad.

Early diagnosis and treatment are essential for depressed children. Depression is a real illness that requires professional help. Comprehensive treatment often includes both individual and family therapy. For example, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and interpersonal psychotherapy (IPT) are forms of individual therapy shown to be effective in treating depression. Treatment may also include the use of antidepressant medication. For help, parents should ask their physician to refer them to a qualified mental health professional, who can diagnose and treat depression in children and teenagers.

Re-printed with Permission from American Academy of Child & Adolesccent Psychiatry