How to Talk to Your Child About Disasters & When to Seek Help

/in , , , , /by

Recent disasters, such as the wildfires in California, the Thousand Oaks shooting, and the shooting at a Pittsburgh Synagogue, can be very frightening for children.  Since children often see or hear about these events either through the different news outlets that are accessible to them or through their interactions outside the home, it can be helpful to talk about the event with them in language they can understand.

The following guidelines can be useful when having these conversations:

  • Try to set aside adequate time and a quiet space.
  • Use a tone that’s calm and language that’s not overwhelming.
  • Ask the child what he/she already knows and what questions he/she has.
  • Be honest as children are very aware of their parents’ concerns and know more than we think.
  • Talk about your worries as well as your abilities to keep your child safe.

In addition to having these conversations, it is also important to look for signs that your child might be struggling after a disaster.  There are different factors that can affect a child’s response to a disaster that can include:

  • The way they experience their parents’ response.
  • How close they are to the disaster/whether there was direct involvement
  • Whether they know anyone that was directly affected.
  • The child’s age.

Behavioral changes that might indicate your child is struggling and may benefit from being evaluated by a mental health professional include:

  • Acting out or misbehaving in school or at home that is atypical for the child.
  • Refusing to go to school or other places the child typically attended without a parent.
  • Fears that persist long after the disaster, jumpiness, nervousness, and a much heightened sensitivity or alertness to danger.
  • Avoidance of people, places, and things that remind the child of the incident.
  • Sleep disturbances or changes that were not occurring prior to the disaster, such as nightmares or bed-wetting.
  • Depressive symptoms that can include low or irritable mood, appetite changes, fatigue, withdrawal from friends and family, decreased interest in activities, feelings of hopelessness, and in some cases suicidal thoughts.
  • Physical symptoms in the absence of a physical injury or illness, such as headaches and stomachaches.

The Video Game Dilemma and the ADHD Child

/in , , , /by

Do you sometimes wonder if your child is addicted to video games?  Is getting off or ending video game sessions often the cause of fights or meltdowns for your child?

In an increasingly digital world, children are spending more time in front of screens and parents are left  to negotiate the muddy waters of figuring out how much screen time/video game time is healthy for their child.  This can be particularly difficult for a child with ADHD as video games lend themselves to being ‘time sucks’ and can often distort a child’s temporal awareness.  Here are some tips for setting and maintaining healthy boundaries for video games and screen time.

  1. Communicate clearly with your child about the amount of screen time that is allowed

During a calm period of the day, sit down with your child and discuss your concerns about screen time and present your concerns.  Make sure to listen to your child and reflect their concerns.

  1. Consider the time of day when you agree to schedule gaming/screen time.

Scheduling screen time right before homework or bedtime can be a recipe for disaster especially for children who have very difficult moments detaching.  Try to involve your child in problem solving and ask for ideas of when you can best schedule screen time so that it is not disruptive when it must come to an end.  Be flexible.

  1. Always monitor and preview content before your child views it.

Some games and videos can have violence or sexual content that may be inappropriate or overwhelming for your child.  Always check the suggested ages and consider watching the video game first before you purchase or rent it for your child.

  1. Consider what your child is getting out of screen time.

Playing a video game or watching a youtube video may provide much needed zone out time for the ADHD brain.  Make sure to expose your child to a range of other activities that may also provide relaxation and self-soothing feelings such as yoga, meditation, music lessons etc.

  1. Practice what you preach.

Modeling is one of the most powerful tools of influence that parents possess.  Practice your own healthy boundaries with your cell phone and screen time.  Schedule regular family media -free times or zones, such as meal times, bedtime or family outings.

  1. Use Screen time to build on your child’s strengths

Not all screen time is unhealthy. There are amazing tools available that can help support learning.   Research some great new learning sites or games that support your child’s reading or math and spend some time with your child exploring their interest in art or science by checking out online museums.  Speak to your child’s teacher or the school librarian for recommendations.

 

 

How to Talk to Your Child About School Shootings

/in , , , /by

Sadly school shootings have become normative in our culture and parents are faced with the question of how and when to talk to their kids about being safe in school. Here are a few tips and resources to help parents navigate these discussions:
1. Keep discussions age appropriate. Younger children need more reassurance and less specific information. They may have questions about active shooter drills or why there was a school walkout. Keep information short and age appropriate and reassure your child that adults are always taking measures to keep students safe. Older kids and teenagers will want to talk more and may want to get more involved in advocacy efforts. Make sure to make time to talk and practice reflective listening. Echo back their concerns and ideas.
2. Limit exposure to the news. News tends to refresh and replay the same upsetting images and soundbytes. Exposure to these stories via television or on the radio can be upsetting and confusing for children. Also, keep an eye out for newsfeeds that come up as ads or pop-ups on social media. Your child may be watching news footage unbeknownst to you.
3. Pay attention. Know the signs of stress or anxiety in your child. Pay attention to changes in behavior such as excessive worry, nightmares or sleep disruptions. Consider reaching out to a qualified child mental health professional if you see any of these symptoms for an extended period.
4. Stay on top of what is happening locally. Follow and attend school board meetings, talk to your child’s school principal or administrator. In the wake of the latest shooting at Parkland, many school districts have made changes to their safety policy. Share this information with your child as well as with other caregivers so that they can be prepared for changes in school visitation or pickup policies.
5. Stay connected. Encouraging regular communication with your child is the best way to know what’s going on in your child’s school . Consider scheduling a regular time to meet with your child to discuss any concerns they may have. Creating an environment of open communication will beget open communication.

Resources for parents:

Check out this recent piece which was featured in Time magazine by Dr. Ross Greene:
https://www.livesinthebalance.org/Nineteen-years-tragedy

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder In Children And Adolescents

/in , /by

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), usually begins in adolescence or young adulthood and is seen in as many as 1 in 200 children and adolescents. OCD is characterized by recurrent intense obsessions and/or compulsions that cause severe discomfort and interfere with day-to-day functioning. Obsessions are recurrent and persistent thoughts, impulses, or images that are unwanted and cause marked anxiety or distress. Frequently, they are unrealistic or irrational. They are not simply excessive worries about real-life problems or preoccupations. Compulsions are repetitive behaviors or rituals (like hand washing, hoarding, keeping things in order, checking something over and over) or mental acts (like counting, repeating words silently, avoiding). In OCD, the obsessions or compulsions cause significant anxiety or distress, or they interfere with the child’s normal routine, academic functioning, social activities, or relationships.

The obsessive thoughts may vary with the age of the child and may change over time. A younger child with OCD may have persistent thoughts that harm will occur to himself or a family member, for example an intruder entering an unlocked door or window. The child may compulsively check all the doors and windows of his home after his parents are asleep in an attempt to relieve anxiety. The child may then fear that he may have accidentally unlocked a door or window while last checking and locking, and then must compulsively check over and over again. An older child or a teenager with OCD may fear that he will become ill with germs, AIDS, or contaminated food. To cope with his/her feelings, a child may develop “rituals” (a behavior or activity that gets repeated). Sometimes the obsession and compulsion are linked; “I fear this bad thing will happen if I stop checking or hand washing, so I can’t stop even if it doesn’t make any sense.”

Research shows that OCD is a brain disorder and tends to run in families, although this doesn’t mean the child will definitely develop symptoms if a parent has the disorder. Recent studies have also shown that OCD may develop or worsen after a streptococcal bacterial infection. A child may also develop OCD with no previous family history.

Children and adolescents often feel shame and embarrassment about their OCD. Many fear it means they’re crazy and are hesitant to talk about their thoughts and behaviors. Good communication between parents and children can increase understanding of the problem and help the parents appropriately support their child.

Most children with OCD can be treated effectively with a combination of psychotherapy (especially cognitive and behavioral techniques) and certain medications for example, serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRI’s). Family support and education are also central to the success of treatment. Antibiotic therapy may be useful in cases where OCD is linked to streptococcal infection. Seeking help from a child and adolescent psychiatrist is important both to better understand the complex issues created by OCD as well as to get help.

Re-printed with Permission from American Academy of Child & Adolesccent Psychiatry