How to Talk to Your Child About Disasters & When to Seek Help

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Recent disasters, such as the wildfires in California, the Thousand Oaks shooting, and the shooting at a Pittsburgh Synagogue, can be very frightening for children.  Since children often see or hear about these events either through the different news outlets that are accessible to them or through their interactions outside the home, it can be helpful to talk about the event with them in language they can understand.

The following guidelines can be useful when having these conversations:

  • Try to set aside adequate time and a quiet space.
  • Use a tone that’s calm and language that’s not overwhelming.
  • Ask the child what he/she already knows and what questions he/she has.
  • Be honest as children are very aware of their parents’ concerns and know more than we think.
  • Talk about your worries as well as your abilities to keep your child safe.

In addition to having these conversations, it is also important to look for signs that your child might be struggling after a disaster.  There are different factors that can affect a child’s response to a disaster that can include:

  • The way they experience their parents’ response.
  • How close they are to the disaster/whether there was direct involvement
  • Whether they know anyone that was directly affected.
  • The child’s age.

Behavioral changes that might indicate your child is struggling and may benefit from being evaluated by a mental health professional include:

  • Acting out or misbehaving in school or at home that is atypical for the child.
  • Refusing to go to school or other places the child typically attended without a parent.
  • Fears that persist long after the disaster, jumpiness, nervousness, and a much heightened sensitivity or alertness to danger.
  • Avoidance of people, places, and things that remind the child of the incident.
  • Sleep disturbances or changes that were not occurring prior to the disaster, such as nightmares or bed-wetting.
  • Depressive symptoms that can include low or irritable mood, appetite changes, fatigue, withdrawal from friends and family, decreased interest in activities, feelings of hopelessness, and in some cases suicidal thoughts.
  • Physical symptoms in the absence of a physical injury or illness, such as headaches and stomachaches.

What to Do if Your Child is Being Bullied

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It can be very difficult as a parent to watch your child come home from school in tears, withdrawn, or moody only to find out that they are being teased or bullied at school.  Here are some key tips to support your child and help resolve the situation as effectively as possible.

  1. Listen to your child without judgement. Allow your child to tell you the full story in their own words without interruptions and minimal reactions.  It is already difficult for a child to recount what has happened so they may minimize what happened if they feel you are getting upset.  Use open ended questions and phrases such as:  tell more about that, how so?
  2. Find out the facts. When appropriate make sure you get the  who, what, when, and where of what occurred so that you can record it and let your child’s teacher know. Keep a record of an future incidents.
  3. Problem solve. Engage in problem solving with your child so that they know how to self-advocate if the situation occurs again.  Come up with several strategies (including finding a safe teacher or administrator that your child can go to) with whom your child feels comfortable.  Practice using the strategies with role play.
  4. Reach out. Talk to your child’s teacher as soon as possible.  Keep in mind that teachers don’t always and can’t always know when bullying occurs.  Kids are smart and know when to tease/make cruel remarks when the teacher is occupied or out of earshot.
  5. Ask for a copy of your school district’s bullying policy. This will send the message that you know how to advocate for your child. Also, every school should make this available to parents upon request by law.
  6. Take your concerns up the chain of command. If the problem persists, meet with your child’s school principal and ask for documentation of how the problem will be resolved.  Familiarize yourself with the state law and pursue that the school do a full investigation and document a case of HIB (Harrassment, Intimidation, or Bullying) if you feel like you are not getting results.

Find out more here:

http://www.nj.gov/education/students/safety/behavior/hib/ParentGuide.pdf

 

http://www.stompoutbullying.org/information-and-resources/parents-page/what-do-if-your-child-being-bullied-and-resources/

 

  1. Watch for signs of serious stress, anxiety or depression.  Having your child talk to a professional can be particularly helpful especially if you see emotional or behavioral signs of stress such as social withdrawal, sleep issues, changes in appetite, or mood swings.

The Video Game Dilemma and the ADHD Child

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Do you sometimes wonder if your child is addicted to video games?  Is getting off or ending video game sessions often the cause of fights or meltdowns for your child?

In an increasingly digital world, children are spending more time in front of screens and parents are left  to negotiate the muddy waters of figuring out how much screen time/video game time is healthy for their child.  This can be particularly difficult for a child with ADHD as video games lend themselves to being ‘time sucks’ and can often distort a child’s temporal awareness.  Here are some tips for setting and maintaining healthy boundaries for video games and screen time.

  1. Communicate clearly with your child about the amount of screen time that is allowed

During a calm period of the day, sit down with your child and discuss your concerns about screen time and present your concerns.  Make sure to listen to your child and reflect their concerns.

  1. Consider the time of day when you agree to schedule gaming/screen time.

Scheduling screen time right before homework or bedtime can be a recipe for disaster especially for children who have very difficult moments detaching.  Try to involve your child in problem solving and ask for ideas of when you can best schedule screen time so that it is not disruptive when it must come to an end.  Be flexible.

  1. Always monitor and preview content before your child views it.

Some games and videos can have violence or sexual content that may be inappropriate or overwhelming for your child.  Always check the suggested ages and consider watching the video game first before you purchase or rent it for your child.

  1. Consider what your child is getting out of screen time.

Playing a video game or watching a youtube video may provide much needed zone out time for the ADHD brain.  Make sure to expose your child to a range of other activities that may also provide relaxation and self-soothing feelings such as yoga, meditation, music lessons etc.

  1. Practice what you preach.

Modeling is one of the most powerful tools of influence that parents possess.  Practice your own healthy boundaries with your cell phone and screen time.  Schedule regular family media -free times or zones, such as meal times, bedtime or family outings.

  1. Use Screen time to build on your child’s strengths

Not all screen time is unhealthy. There are amazing tools available that can help support learning.   Research some great new learning sites or games that support your child’s reading or math and spend some time with your child exploring their interest in art or science by checking out online museums.  Speak to your child’s teacher or the school librarian for recommendations.

 

 

Teen Stress: On the Rise, But So Are Their Remedies

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Teenagers are experiencing stress like never before. Their stress tends to be over many things, including schoolwork, parents, relationships and friends. Often, it feels overwhelming, even paralyzing, and it can lead to isolation, withdrawal, academic decline, aggression and depression.

Perhaps our competitive and technologically advanced society is a part of the problem. The pressure applied by educators, and the message transmitted to students, as well as to their parents, that they must perform to ever rising levels of excellence in order to get into that mythical “good school” following graduation, leaves them in a state of fear, or even panic, that anything less will assure a life of failure and lost opportunity.

Today’s world of social media is another source of stress. Peer acceptance is incredibly important in the teenager’s life. To fit in is everything. But, with Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and other forms of social media, a teen’s personal information, reputation and social valuation can be tossed to and fro, at internet speed, by anyone with an electronic device and an opinion.

Teens are dealing with increasing responsibilities and heightened expectations, but have not learned how to cope with the stress that accompanies them. Teens learn Algebra and trigonometry, but they do not learn coping strategies. They learn Language Arts and European History, but they don’t know how to deal with their emotions or to problem solve in stressful situations.

As a result, some schools around the country are beginning to realize there is a real need for stress reduction training to be offered in the school setting. In these schools, teens are being taught various tools to help them deal better with stress. Studies show that the practice of meditation, yoga and mindfulness can be quite effective in treating stress. CBT and DBT therapies are specific forms of psychotherapy that teach the re-assessment of one’s thoughts about a stressful situation, about one’s self and one’s life, which in turn changes one’s feelings and emotional state, to that of greater calm, hope and optimism, and allows for more effective problem solving.

Our challenge is to help our teens to deal better with the stresses in their lives. Stress reduction begins with a healthy lifestyle, with adequate sleep and healthy nutrition. It also requires a balance of relaxation and fun to offset the rigors of school and social pressures. But, if they also learn some stress reduction tools that they can apply when life begins to feel a bit overwhelming, these tools will serve them well, through their teenage years and well beyond.

Bipolar Disorder In Children And Teens

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Children and teenagers with Bipolar Disorder have manic and/or depressive symptoms. Some may have mostly depression and others a combination of manic and depressive symptoms. Highs may alternate with lows.

Research has improved the ability to diagnose Bipolar Disorder in children and teens. Bipolar Disorder can begin in childhood and during the teenage years, although it is usually diagnosed in adult life. The illness can affect anyone. However, if one or both parents have Bipolar Disorder, the chances are greater that their children may develop the disorder. Family history of drug or alcohol abuse also may be associated with greater risk for Bipolar Disorder.

Manic symptoms include:

  • severe changes in mood-either unusually happy or silly, or very irritable, angry, agitated or aggressive
  • unrealistic highs in self-esteem – for example, a teenager who feels all powerful or like a superhero with special powers
  • great increase in energy and the ability to go with little or no sleep for days without feeling tired
  • increase in talking – the adolescent talks too much, too fast, changes topics too quickly, and cannot be interrupted
  • distractibility – the teen’s attention moves constantly from one thing to the next
  • repeated high risk-taking behavior; such as, abusing alcohol and drugs, reckless driving, or sexual promiscuity

Depressive symptoms include:

  • irritability, depressed mood, persistent sadness, frequent crying
  • thoughts of death or suicide
  • loss of enjoyment in favorite activities
  • frequent complaints of physical illnesses such as headaches or stomach aches
  • low energy level, fatigue, poor concentration, complaints of boredom
  • major change in eating or sleeping patterns, such as oversleeping or overeating

Some of these signs are similar to those that occur in teenagers with other problems such as drug abuse, delinquency, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, or even schizophrenia.

Teenagers with Bipolar Disorder can be effectively treated. Treatment for Bipolar Disorder usually includes education of the patient and the family about the illness, mood stabilizing medications such as lithium and valproic acid, and psychotherapy. Mood stabilizing medications often reduce the number and severity of manic episodes, and also help to prevent depression. Psychotherapy helps the child understand himself or herself, adapt to stresses, rebuild self-esteem and improve relationships.

The diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder in children and teens is complex and involves careful observation over an extended period of time. A thorough evaluation by a child and adolescent psychiatrist identify Bipolar Disorder and start treatment.

Re-printed with Permission from American Academy of Child & Adolesccent Psychiatry